School Brain

   Well, classes started yesterday, and I am so ready to demolish this last year at Ivy Tech. I started my morning getting work done for my online classes, and I ended the day with submitting my application, essay, and fee for Liberty University. Man am I excited! I will definitely be getting some scholarship money for applying early. My family and I will be taking a college visit at LU in October, the week after Nik's parents want to visit him. Therefore, I will be seeing Nik two weekends in a row. I am super stoked!

    Last night, a friend of mine brought an author named Isa Adney to my attention, and I ended up buying her book on the spot. I need some advice and motivation through my final year at community college. The most important thing I can be doing for my education this year is keeping my GPA over a 3.8 and applying for scholarships. Since I am a Phi Theta Kappa member, I will have lots of scholarships in front of my face. However, there are never enough to apply for. My awesome cousin Ben told my mom some pretty solid advice about scholarships that I am definitely looking forward to trying out. He told me to incorporate my trip to Africa in the essays as much as possible. That's definitely genius. Since my cousin had his PHd by the time he was 26.... he definitely knows what he's talking about.

   I have been finding some scholarships that students need to be nominated for in order to even apply, so I have been sending emails to program chairs and counselors at my school. I don't even know if my school has heard of some of these scholarships before either, so Ivy Tech definitely needs to get on board.

Aside from school, I am working two jobs. This year will definitely consist of a lot of saving. I was asking someone what they do to save money, and he told me that he has half his checks go straight to his savings. He then budgets how much gas he usually spends in a month and sets aside money for that. He said that he plans out his savings so he can potentially survive without a job for six months. I am so excited to get started on that. Since my boyfriend is gone, it will definitely be a lot easier to resist spending money and give up going shopping every weekend like I did in the summer.

I have a lot of plans and goals for this school year, and I am really anxious to get started on them. Liberty University is my plan for my bachelor's degree and possibly for my Master's if I want to stay there for that. If LU doesn't work out I will be pretty bummed, but I have to keep marching forward with the knowledge that God's way is the ultimate way. I only want what God wants anyways.

The Separation

Today i was reading in Acts and my brain focused on this passage:

"After some time Paul said to Barnabas, 'Let’s go back and visit each city where we previously preached the word of the Lord, to see how the new believers are doing.'  Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along John Mark. But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work."

*"Their disagreement was so sharp that they separated."     Acts 15:36-39


I don't remember where I heard this sermon before, but it has stayed with me. These two disciples Paul & Barnabas disagreed on something heavily. They probably argued about their different opinions as anyone else would. The scriptures don't say if their disagreement ended well for the friendship of these Christians or not, but the word sharp has got to mean something significant. Either way they chose to separate because obviously their disagreement was distracting enough to have an impact on more important things.

When you read more through this chapter and the next, you see documents of  what they are doing a part. However, this verse is awesome:

"So the churches were strengthened in their faith and grew larger every day." Acts 16:5

CLEARLY, despite the disagreement between Paul and Barnabas, good things came from their separation.  Why? Because they continued to put God first in their lives and not focus on petty opinions.

Barnabas could have focused on Paul's reasoning for not wanting to include John Mark, and he let that get in the way of his ministry. Who knows- maybe Barnabas thought that Paul was not being forgiving of John Mark for not finishing up his work. Maybe Barnabas thought Paul wasn't being "godly enough". 

On the opposite end, maybe Paul thought John Mark did not see the importance of their work in a way that would upset Paul and cause him to make poor decisions. Maybe Paul thought that John Mark was a bad influence on Barnabas. Maybe Paul thought John Mark's faith was on a different maturity level from other leaders and did not personally think he was ready.

There are all sorts of opinions and reasons that could go with this situation. However, they do not matter. The point is that there was no convincing Paul and there was no convincing Barnabas. Therefore, the wise decision was to depart. 

The boundaries here did not mean that Barnabas hated Paul or that Paul hated John Mark. The boundaries did not mean that Paul and Barnabas would never speak again or be friends (I'm unsure of what happens next in the story... perhaps if i find out i'll blog about it). The boundaries just show that both of these Christians recognized that they had different opinions and emotions that they would not allow to taint their testimonies.

"Anyone who loves to quarrel loves sin; anyone who trusts in high walls invites disaster" Proverbs 17:19

There are times when boundaries are pretty necessary. People who do not have them are only hurting themselves. I think as Christians we sometimes think that if we separate from a friend or disagree with another believer, that we are sinning or being unkind. That's definitely not true. Our attitude towards those we disagree with has got to be controlled. When we disagree with someone so deeply that it hurts us and affects us, separation is a wise idea. However, treating that person like they don't exist or like we don't care about them is wrong. We need to be real with people. We need to be kind to people. And we need to respect ourselves.

How to Deal with Psychos

Signs that you may know a crazy person:

1. They think you are their best friend...

2. Their tweets are super awkward, tmi, or emotional.
examples:

3. They keep friend requesting you on Facebook.

4. They are super clingy to all of their friends. God help their boyfriends.

5. If they feel like you don't like them... it's their mission to change that.

6. When you look at them they are already staring.

7. They are easily offended.

8. They lie.

9. They have crazy eyes.

10. They creep you out.

11. They are narcissists... they constantly talk about themselves.

12. Sometimes, they think they are famous.

13. They think they have a chance with your boyfriend.

14. They love your boyfriend..... and they try to be friends with you.

15. Their Instagram photos make you embarrassed for them.

16. They have to publicize every nice thing their boyfriends do for them.

17. They stalk you.

Disclaimer: The easiest way to tell if someone is a lunatic is if they are not a teenager yet they still act like one. And let me tell ya, it's definitely more difficult to pick out the younger crazy people at first glance.


If you are pretty naive and just realized that your very best friend is a crazy person... be a friend and tell them. There is hope. Wouldn't you want the same treatment?

How to set up boundary lines with psychos:

1. Do not fall into the trap. When the crazy, clingy people ask you to get lunch with them to "talk" (unless there are some unresolved issues).... DO NOT GO. Be honest and tell them, "no thank you" and any other necessary side comments.

2. Don't give in. Now some weirdos like to pester you to hang out, get lunch, and "be friends"... there needs to be a point when you're honest with them. "Like I have said every other time you asked me... no thank you.. I am not interested." 

3. Don't let them see your personal information. Though I think it's ridiculous to post your personal life online... if you're the type of person who does, then don't let the crazy people see any of it. You don't know what they're capable of. 

4. Be polite and kind.... they are people too. We all have problems, and there is no reason to judge them and act like you are innocent of wrongdoings. If you see them in person... don't act immature and turn your head if you lock eyes. Say hello and smile!

5. Do not lead them on into thinking that you're friends with them if you do not want to be. Let's be real... sometimes we are guilted into doing things we don't want to do. We don't want to be confrontational or mean, anyway. Crazy people will do what they can to guilt you into being their friend. Be bold, be polite, step aside.

6. Flee from fights. If they try to argue with you back and forth... just stop responding or walk away. Don't waste your time and your words. 

7. Do not care about what they think of you. There is no reason that you should be offended by someone's lies and opinions. Crazy people twist everything you say to humor their own narcissism. If you have integrity at all... people will have a difficult time believing what they say anyway.

8. Do not be afraid to limit family. Sometimes we are unfortunate and there are people that we love in our family who are a little cuckoo. Naturally, decent people are nicer to family members than strangers, and family should get special treatment. However, do not put up with crap. There are times when you need to protect yourself. If your mother is insane and is attacking your husband... set her straight and protect him. If your mother-in-law is out to get you... if your husband is a good man he will protect you too. 

The Deeper Issue

Now on a serious note. Usually, the root to people being crazy is that they care so much about themselves that they do ridiculous things to others. They twist words that you say because they are "always right." They are very self-focused. In fact, they don't know that they're crazy. They always talk about themselves and will probably spill their entire lives to you if you're kind to them. They want to be lifted up, so if you are naturally encouraging.. you're gonna be the victim. They honestly just need love and patience. And most of all (like everyone else), they need Christ's redemption in their lives. The best thing to do for them is to pray for them! Therefore, we need to treat them as Christ would. 

Crazy people are usually very lonely. There is no reason to snap at them, be rude to them, or treat them like the potential serial killers they could become (just kidding). You don't need to be their friend if you don't wanna be. Personally, i prefer to keep a healthy distance from crazy people. However, some people are different and don't care as much.. and that's great. 

Be honest with yourself... if crazy people make you think rude things about them or make you uncomfortable... it'd wise for you to limit contact with them. There is an extent that you need to protect and respect yourself too. That's why crazy people are so frustrating... they only think of themselves.

All I'm Askin'...

Lately i have been spending time with various good friends of mine, and we have been chatting and having what i like to call, "soul food conversations". I know that soul food is technically southern black cooking, and man that's some good cooking. But pertaining to conversation, I see soul food as encouraging words and new discoveries for the soul. Through these great friends and our conversations, I have been learning a lot this summer.

There is so much that i have been learning that i can barely put everything to words. Side note:] That's when you know that your conversations are soul food... they're sometimes so good that you can't describe them or remember them right away. Those wise discoveries usually pop up unannounced, and you're filled with joy as you think back. However, of all the things I have been talking and thinking about lately... i wanna blog about respect. And not even the "respect your elders" type of jibber jabber.. we've heard about that enough... at least i have. I wanna talk about respect among my generation.

I am a young adult, and I am out of high school. Since high school I have grown in maturity. I have a ways to go as anyone does, but I am not a part of the usual high school mentality anymore... i have been broken free from those chains. And when I am older, I will be broken free from my current maturity level. That's a life cycle that comes with experience.

First of all, I never want anyone to feel like I am calling them out individually in my posts. That would mean that my motives behind my updates are foul- and they definitely are not. I am simply discussing something that I have seen a lot of lately that has not only convicted me personally, but has also made me fed up. 

Why do we as Christians.. not even just Christians... as human beings... treat others in ways that would cause us to throw tantrums if we were treated the same? Why does the Golden Rule seem to slip our minds when we interact with other people? It's ridiculous. Such a simple guideline about how we should act towards others has been ignored. 

We can't even put the blame on a specific group of people because everyone does it. People in the church are just as guilty.

I hear things that people say about others... even about their past friends or present "pretend friends".. and it's been a habit just to listen and to believe it. Honestly, if someone tells me something about someone else.. naturally i don't care enough if it's true or not. i'm too lazy to think about it much more. I just assume it's true and move on.

"The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps." Proverbs 14:15

I DO NOT CARE, which is healthy only to an extent. The part that's bad is that I don't care so much that I just accept someone's opinion over thinking that they could possibly be wrong.. (intentionally or unintentionally). However, if someone were to say something bad about one of my best friends I'd probably chew them out a little and set them straight. I have a habit of sticking up for people I care about closely and not really caring about the integrity of other people who deserve to be respected too.

That needs to change. If somebody.. ESPECIALLY if somebody from church.. tells me something about someone else... I want to care enough to protect myself from the assumptions that I may develop from that conversation in order to protect that other person. Also, i only want what flows from my mouth about someone to be words that i could shamelessly tell to that person's face.

You're probably wondering why I said ESPECIALLY someone from church above... well, you know what... when Christians hear information from church people... we make positive affiliations with the idea of church and those gosh darn good people... therefore, i need to protect myself even more and remember that those good people are incorrect people sometimes too.

So why disrespect someone else if we want to be respected? It makes no sense. It's a double standard really.

People will always irritate us either deliberately or unknowingly.. it just happens. But we must respond with kindness and be truthful.

These two women are my favorite icons of all time. They are examples of well known ladies (who aren't necessarily Christians either) who have earned so much respect from others.... even Audrey as she is respected from people who were born after she died 19 years ago. You know why?

"A gracious woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth." Proverbs 11:16

I think courteous is my favorite synonym there. I also like indulgent. 

Lauren Conrad and Audrey Hepburn respect others and respect themselves. They are gracious and they are thoughtful and they are honest. They aren't loud or obnoxious, but they sure are bold.

Now pertaining to you men readers and your respect role models... Chuck Norris? Ronald Reagan? I don't know... I'm stuck.

When it says in the bible to love our enemies.. (and pray for those who persecute you) i can't help but feel like God wants us to respect them too. Not respect in the admiring or appreciating kind of way.... or even respecting them because you think they have dignity or have earned respect....

but we need to respect where they are in life and to be empathetic. Not that we excuse their choices  or that we are not hurt by their actions. But we have self-control in how we respond despite the offense and we have discernment of when it's appropriate to confront them.

"At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy." Titus 3:3-5a

We need to practice mercy. That pulls back to the Golden Rule talk above. 

Now, I was recently in a situation when this person.. who is probably 5 years older than me was being rude to me because she was very insecure. I hardly talked to the girl so it took me awhile to realize that she wasn't the sarcastic type.. she just didn't like me. Side note:] I am only speaking of this situation because I have no form of communication with this girl... we never cross paths. We would both prefer not to. However, if she were to ever bring up this issue then i would tell her everything I am writing here plus some more. :)

It was very, very difficult for me to be respectful towards this girl who.. i really just don't like at all either. And the best part about this.. she is a Christian! Doesn't that make it harder? Because as Christ followers we are thrown off when other Christ followers appear to not know the "basics" or whatever that means. But when people who don't know God are rude we kind of just assume that their actions are the result of not knowing God. 

Reminder: being a Christian doesn't mean that you're kind. Not being a Christian doesn't mean that you're not kind. Though we all should be kind... it doesn't usually come naturally.

But this little issue I had was quite a wake up call about how difficult AND necessary it is to be respectful to everyone. Again, respectful in a way that merely shows compassion and mercy towards those people we would hide from if we saw them in Walmart. 

Because i tell you... they definitely need to receive kindness in their lives anyways. We don't need to pretend to be their friends... that's fake... and that's lying. We don't need to understand them. We don't even need to be all "nice"... which is another word i just don't like because it has to do with pleasing others as opposed to being real. 

There are too many nice people and not enough kind people. But yeah, we need to be KIND. Being kind just seems more sincere. Being nice just sounds fake and being kind just sounds strong to me. Because kindness is more powerful than niceness. It's harder to be kind than it is to be nice.

Now, when it comes to being respectful in simpler situations... here we go. 

(These are commands to myself as well.)

Don't get offended when people tell you how they feel. They are speaking the truth of what they are experiencing to you.. be thankful for the truth because it's often scary to give. Now, give them that same truth back.

Don't get offended when someone won't agree with you. It's very immature to try to control people (ESPECIALLY FRIENDS) because you think that your opinion is right or triumphs over someone else's. Part of being a friend is respecting your friends. 

Don't get offended when people put up boundaries. That means that they respect themselves, and that is necessary. It's healthy to respect yourself when it's not conceited. 

INSTEAD

Be kind to all people. Express gratitude to those who are truthful and be truthful in return.

Don't control your friends. Let them go as they please.. as hard as that may be. Your way isn't always the best way. Be a friend to keep your friends.

Respect others' wishes even if you don't like them or understand them. If someone isn't in the mood to hang out with you... respect that and don't take it personally. Just be an adult about it. 

Be considerate enough to someone that you won't talk about them negatively. And if you can't handle that.. you'll learn the hard way when it all comes back to you. 

I know that this is a time in life where people my age are transitioning from a teenage lifestyle to adulthood. It's often hard because some people are not there yet, while some are ahead. But we need to respect people where they are at and give them the kindness that we would want to receive in their situation. Kindness is extremely impacting. And if we can't get kindness down... we'll never get respect down either. Also, we won't be respected back.