All I'm Askin'...

Lately i have been spending time with various good friends of mine, and we have been chatting and having what i like to call, "soul food conversations". I know that soul food is technically southern black cooking, and man that's some good cooking. But pertaining to conversation, I see soul food as encouraging words and new discoveries for the soul. Through these great friends and our conversations, I have been learning a lot this summer.

There is so much that i have been learning that i can barely put everything to words. Side note:] That's when you know that your conversations are soul food... they're sometimes so good that you can't describe them or remember them right away. Those wise discoveries usually pop up unannounced, and you're filled with joy as you think back. However, of all the things I have been talking and thinking about lately... i wanna blog about respect. And not even the "respect your elders" type of jibber jabber.. we've heard about that enough... at least i have. I wanna talk about respect among my generation.

I am a young adult, and I am out of high school. Since high school I have grown in maturity. I have a ways to go as anyone does, but I am not a part of the usual high school mentality anymore... i have been broken free from those chains. And when I am older, I will be broken free from my current maturity level. That's a life cycle that comes with experience.

First of all, I never want anyone to feel like I am calling them out individually in my posts. That would mean that my motives behind my updates are foul- and they definitely are not. I am simply discussing something that I have seen a lot of lately that has not only convicted me personally, but has also made me fed up. 

Why do we as Christians.. not even just Christians... as human beings... treat others in ways that would cause us to throw tantrums if we were treated the same? Why does the Golden Rule seem to slip our minds when we interact with other people? It's ridiculous. Such a simple guideline about how we should act towards others has been ignored. 

We can't even put the blame on a specific group of people because everyone does it. People in the church are just as guilty.

I hear things that people say about others... even about their past friends or present "pretend friends".. and it's been a habit just to listen and to believe it. Honestly, if someone tells me something about someone else.. naturally i don't care enough if it's true or not. i'm too lazy to think about it much more. I just assume it's true and move on.

"The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps." Proverbs 14:15

I DO NOT CARE, which is healthy only to an extent. The part that's bad is that I don't care so much that I just accept someone's opinion over thinking that they could possibly be wrong.. (intentionally or unintentionally). However, if someone were to say something bad about one of my best friends I'd probably chew them out a little and set them straight. I have a habit of sticking up for people I care about closely and not really caring about the integrity of other people who deserve to be respected too.

That needs to change. If somebody.. ESPECIALLY if somebody from church.. tells me something about someone else... I want to care enough to protect myself from the assumptions that I may develop from that conversation in order to protect that other person. Also, i only want what flows from my mouth about someone to be words that i could shamelessly tell to that person's face.

You're probably wondering why I said ESPECIALLY someone from church above... well, you know what... when Christians hear information from church people... we make positive affiliations with the idea of church and those gosh darn good people... therefore, i need to protect myself even more and remember that those good people are incorrect people sometimes too.

So why disrespect someone else if we want to be respected? It makes no sense. It's a double standard really.

People will always irritate us either deliberately or unknowingly.. it just happens. But we must respond with kindness and be truthful.

These two women are my favorite icons of all time. They are examples of well known ladies (who aren't necessarily Christians either) who have earned so much respect from others.... even Audrey as she is respected from people who were born after she died 19 years ago. You know why?

"A gracious woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth." Proverbs 11:16

I think courteous is my favorite synonym there. I also like indulgent. 

Lauren Conrad and Audrey Hepburn respect others and respect themselves. They are gracious and they are thoughtful and they are honest. They aren't loud or obnoxious, but they sure are bold.

Now pertaining to you men readers and your respect role models... Chuck Norris? Ronald Reagan? I don't know... I'm stuck.

When it says in the bible to love our enemies.. (and pray for those who persecute you) i can't help but feel like God wants us to respect them too. Not respect in the admiring or appreciating kind of way.... or even respecting them because you think they have dignity or have earned respect....

but we need to respect where they are in life and to be empathetic. Not that we excuse their choices  or that we are not hurt by their actions. But we have self-control in how we respond despite the offense and we have discernment of when it's appropriate to confront them.

"At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy." Titus 3:3-5a

We need to practice mercy. That pulls back to the Golden Rule talk above. 

Now, I was recently in a situation when this person.. who is probably 5 years older than me was being rude to me because she was very insecure. I hardly talked to the girl so it took me awhile to realize that she wasn't the sarcastic type.. she just didn't like me. Side note:] I am only speaking of this situation because I have no form of communication with this girl... we never cross paths. We would both prefer not to. However, if she were to ever bring up this issue then i would tell her everything I am writing here plus some more. :)

It was very, very difficult for me to be respectful towards this girl who.. i really just don't like at all either. And the best part about this.. she is a Christian! Doesn't that make it harder? Because as Christ followers we are thrown off when other Christ followers appear to not know the "basics" or whatever that means. But when people who don't know God are rude we kind of just assume that their actions are the result of not knowing God. 

Reminder: being a Christian doesn't mean that you're kind. Not being a Christian doesn't mean that you're not kind. Though we all should be kind... it doesn't usually come naturally.

But this little issue I had was quite a wake up call about how difficult AND necessary it is to be respectful to everyone. Again, respectful in a way that merely shows compassion and mercy towards those people we would hide from if we saw them in Walmart. 

Because i tell you... they definitely need to receive kindness in their lives anyways. We don't need to pretend to be their friends... that's fake... and that's lying. We don't need to understand them. We don't even need to be all "nice"... which is another word i just don't like because it has to do with pleasing others as opposed to being real. 

There are too many nice people and not enough kind people. But yeah, we need to be KIND. Being kind just seems more sincere. Being nice just sounds fake and being kind just sounds strong to me. Because kindness is more powerful than niceness. It's harder to be kind than it is to be nice.

Now, when it comes to being respectful in simpler situations... here we go. 

(These are commands to myself as well.)

Don't get offended when people tell you how they feel. They are speaking the truth of what they are experiencing to you.. be thankful for the truth because it's often scary to give. Now, give them that same truth back.

Don't get offended when someone won't agree with you. It's very immature to try to control people (ESPECIALLY FRIENDS) because you think that your opinion is right or triumphs over someone else's. Part of being a friend is respecting your friends. 

Don't get offended when people put up boundaries. That means that they respect themselves, and that is necessary. It's healthy to respect yourself when it's not conceited. 

INSTEAD

Be kind to all people. Express gratitude to those who are truthful and be truthful in return.

Don't control your friends. Let them go as they please.. as hard as that may be. Your way isn't always the best way. Be a friend to keep your friends.

Respect others' wishes even if you don't like them or understand them. If someone isn't in the mood to hang out with you... respect that and don't take it personally. Just be an adult about it. 

Be considerate enough to someone that you won't talk about them negatively. And if you can't handle that.. you'll learn the hard way when it all comes back to you. 

I know that this is a time in life where people my age are transitioning from a teenage lifestyle to adulthood. It's often hard because some people are not there yet, while some are ahead. But we need to respect people where they are at and give them the kindness that we would want to receive in their situation. Kindness is extremely impacting. And if we can't get kindness down... we'll never get respect down either. Also, we won't be respected back.