Don't Just Stop at 11

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” Jeremiah 29:11-14

One of my favorite verses in the bible is Jeremiah 29:11, and I'm sure most people can relate. Nothing is more reassuring in life than to know that God has a purpose for everyone's life and that each purpose is good and prosperous!

Although Jeremiah 29:11 is such a great verse that brings so much peace, this entire passage has convicted me. I feel like as Christians we are guilty of just looking at verse 11, "I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, ....to give you hope and a future", and completely... stopping. As if this verse is enough to "fill us up" in times of despair or confusion. Being a Senior in High School, there have been quite a few stressful moments this year, and looking at this verse has comforted me. But why must i stop there?

A part of me feels selfish. "My life is on track and I feel good, so that's enough for me... that's all i need." Is this the attitude that we get sometimes? Are we that lazy? Do not get me wrong, God loves to comfort us and He loves when we come to Him and when we acknowledge Him for giving us peace... but there's so much more to this passage than "everything is okay... just sit back and let the future come."

God wants us to pray to Him because He wants to listen, to ask of Him because He wants to bless us, to thank Him for all He does (even what we cannot see), and to seek Him with everything we have. Seeking God means to follow God.... which means to LISTEN to God. He wants us to sacrifice our wants for Him.

Sometimes, the Lord may open doors in directions that may appear to be wrong to us. Usually, pathways look "wrong" because we are afraid and we are uncomfortable. We have that little nudge from the Holy Spirit but sometimes we want to fight against it because we do not want to commit to the unknown. We are insightful humans, we should never trust our own judgment.

Everyday I cling to this verse, please read it slowly and keep in mind where God is leading you right now,

"The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me." Psalm 23:1-4

I constantly pray, "God, align my desires with yours... make me fearless and submissive to Your will". That prayer has given me strength and wisdom through big and little situations, and I encourage you to pray it too and watch the Lord change your mindset!

Everytime I read Jeremiah 29:11.. I am going to challenge myself to keep reading on. I want God to have all of me. I don't want to just look at His Word for the purpose of what i can get out of it.

I want to pursue Him. I want to submit. I want to listen... I know He has so much to say!

Scrambled Certainty

Lately.... as in the past few months... i have been so ready for a nice break. Actually, no, i'm ready to graduate and be free. I'm not at all looking forward to college just yet... i just want an open gap where i can relax and sleep. (: Sounds way to good to be true... but hey Spring break is around the corner!

My Senior year has been nothing but wonderful... i am so blessed. I feel myself becoming more introverted, which is how i was up until junior high where i started coming out of my shell more and more. I've always had a piece of "quiet girl" in me at appropriate times... but she's coming back for more. I'm not sure if she's back because she doesn't want to miss these next few months as my next chapter in life fast approaches. I'm not sure if she's coming back because the extroverted me is exhausted... but i like her being here.

I have a difficult time even updating this blog... honestly... i'm considering deleting this whole thing... i feel exposed. I'm learning more and more about boundaries.... and that not trusting everyone is wise. I'm trying to keep a firm line between being an example to others.... and saying to much. I trust that the Spirit will nudge me when i should open up at appropriate times of course. I'm clinging to James 1:19 right now, "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry." There's so much in that verse that i have never put into practice- it's the sad truth that i am fighting to change.

I have been praying a lot for more wisdom... i think it's wise alone to add that to your prayer everyday and keep searching in the Word for a deeper understanding. I agree with Solomon when he says, "The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow." Ecclesiastes 1:18. Of course the Lord is the ultimate source of joy, but living in a world where humans constantly make wrong decisions.... and i make wrong decisions.... it can be depressing in the moment of realizing that i have messed up... or seeing someone constantly mess up who looks at his/her own actions as fun or worth the risk.

I am currently juggling a lot of books.... i'm not much of a reader when it comes to secular books... i think it's humorous because if i get a great Christian book... i'm addicted. The only thing i asked for on my birthday was books. I did the same thing for my 17th birthday and found the books very fulfilling. Right now i'm reading Love and Respect by Dr Emerson Eggerichs, The 5 Love Languages by Dr Gary Chapman, Reshaping It All by Candace Cameron Bure, Boundaries in Dating by Dr Henry Cloud, and a little bit of Style by Lauren Conrad when I'm in the mood for mindless reading. If i get several great books at a time.. it is very difficult for me to focus on just one, as shown above.

You may notice that the pattern of the books that I got are on "love".. just the way most of my library is... yeah, i'm a girl... and that topic is my passion. Which again, makes me question my whole major in college. I feel that God will call me to reach out to girls and women somehow. I feel right with the major i have now... I just feel like God has more ideas for me for ministry which is great! I know on top of that... i plan to write a book. That's a goal of mine. I've been writing books since i was 5-6 years old... when i got into writing more serious books... i never finished. I have kept journals all of my life. Writing is a big part of who i am. I want this. God willing, of course.

I have shared enough. Sorry to my followers for not updating. My blog is becoming stale, but that is okay with me. (:

Give Me Anything...

Imagine having the power to receive anything you want... anytime you want.
Cake? Bam... chocolate preferred. Mind-reading ability? Done. Money? Sure. Sounds like a useful gift in the long run, but when it's looked at microscopically... not so much.

God has shown me countless times how miserable it is without Him. There is a lot of beauty in the world, most that i, as a human being, can not see... and that's great... but if i was given anything i wanted i still would not experience true joy and contentment.

Before I start talking about those who do not believe in God, do not take offense to when I say that non-believers do not understand. Here’s the truth, if a person understood God’s love… they would believe. That’s just all there is to it. For an example, if I never understood why someone likes to skydive, but soon I see all of the joys of sky-diving and how it relates to me… then I would start skydiving. This may seem hard to comprehend right now, but bear with me, please (:

Non-Christians would not quite understand this viewpoint... one may live a blessed life with wonderful people in it.. he or she may have money... heck.. one could be famous... but once they're given all of that... there's still a God-given longing for MORE. Non-Believers have such a difficult understanding of the true difference between happiness, which i define as worldly pleasures, and joy, which is from God. The world looks at Christ followers and thinks they're crazy... or just bluffing. Every human has experienced happiness... we all live in the world... we were all born in the world.. we have all been blessed in one form or another... but once you let Christ in your life... there's no comparison to how He loves us.

I long for other people to grasp that... truthfully, the reality is hard to explain with accurate words.
The point is... when i surrender my whole life to Christ.. Him first.. others second..me last.. When i pray continually and ask for my faith to grow... When i sacrifice my inner desires... and improve my self-discipline.. spending time in the Word even when it seems like there are so many others things that need done.. When i have all these possibilities swarming around in my head and i keep messing up and confusing everything... and then i remember that God knows everything.. and the best way to resolve my problems is to PRAY... then with all of that being said and done.. God gives me contentment in Him.... i am joyful.. i have no worries.. i'm excited.. i have more energy.. and i'm just nicer. Nothing in the world is comparable. I want more of God. I could never get enough.

You know, even when i'm not doing all of that and not being obedient to the Lord.... the world still is not comparable.. i feel sick... i feel upset.. i feel depressed... i miss out on something... God.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."  Romans 12:2

When i was younger, maybe ages 7-10, i wanted to be an actress and singer.. i think because i was a big Hilary Duff fan... anyways, my parents would always tell me...
"Celebrities have a lot of money from their fame. They can buy anything they want... Pretty soon... there's nothing left to buy because they have everything the world has to offer... some start buying drugs because they're depressed and want to feel better... then their lives fall apart."
That is the best way to describe a person without God. They can have anything in the world but they still have nothing at all. They want more of something that they don't understand... they want love... and yeah, they may get it from other people... but people fail... i am a person. i mess up.. i can't satisfy everyone's needs.. i can't be in more than one place at one time.. i can't necessarily tolerate other people all of the time or at the times that work out for them... i can't be a savior... and i'm sure not perfect. But God is!!!
God is love (Psalm 36:5, 1 John 4:7-8). God doesn't fail (Psalms 33:22), God supplies what we need (Philippians 4:19), He is omnipresent (Psalm 139:7-12), He always wants us (John 15:12,16), He is the Savior (2 Samuel 22:3), and He is perfect (Matthew 5:48, 2 Samuel 22:31).
God is all of those things and more.. and yet even Christians.. get so distracted from what the world has laid at their feet. Of course, being human, sin is inevitable... but it's very depressing when we get distracted from God.

"Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." John 15:4


There are some people who have lived a tough life. I have yet to meet such a huge, challenging milestone where what i love most on earth thatis thrown away.. lost forever.. or destroyed. I feel like i am living the American dream. Great things happen and the bad things haven't ruined my life.


Just recently, my 3 year long dream came true. Finally, after many prayers and little struggles, i'm dating my best friend. He is everything i would want in a boyfriend and more! One of my biggest blessings in life is him!
Valentines Day was arranged so perfectly, etc. God has answered my prayers and provided more than i thought.... but my boyfriend, Nik, is only a human being. Nik may be a symbol of love to me because he showers me with love, but Nik is not all that i need. Nik could never fulfill the giant, God shaped space in my heart. Nik, as wonderful as he truly is, could never be enough. Isn't that... amazing? All of us want love... but those who love us on this earth... still can not satisfy our hearts. Why? Because God gave us a heart for Him. I can talk more about my story with Nik.. but that's a whole other testimony of how God works.


Believers or not, we all long for Jesus. I have heard so many stories of used-to-be-believers saying, "I tried God out.. he didn't answer my prayers" ... "I went to church... it's full of hypocrites" ... "Christianity didn't feel much different, so what's the point". NO, NO, NO! 
"You will find me, says the Lord, when you seek me with all of your heart." Jeremiah 29:13 
 All of your heart! Not just the parts you want to give up, but all of it! The closer we are to God.. the more we let go of our self and our comforts because we see the bigger picture... we understand what matters. Surrender is key. It's hard.. it needs a lot of prayer and faith, but it's worth it.. and it's near impossible to do by ourselves.. with out love, prayer, and accountability from other believers.

When we give all of our hearts to God.. nothing is more vital and more complete. Surrender is not a clear picture when it has not been done. I will never understand why people see certain things differently than me until i try to see those things too... with all of my strength. Give me anything on this earth... and it can never compare to my Jesus.

Purpose

Last weekend I purchased a book called Praying for Purpose, which is a 60-day devotional that I have been journaling along with. I am currently on Day 9, and I have decided to create a list of prayers inspired from each day after every 8 days of this book... to remember what I am praying for. The list will keep building and growing, and I am so excited to see how God answers these prayers!

Days 1-8 I have been praying for the following things:

• -To have no more fear
• -To be thankful for consequences
• -To have strong perseverance
• -To be filled with wisdom
• -To be reminded that God makes all things beautiful.
• -For God to reveal to me my skills and talents, and that I will use all of them to the nth degree.
• -To be successful and to remember that true success is God glorifying.
• -To be a role model and example to others, and at the same time for God to open my eyes to Christians who can be examples to me.

God has given me a passion for Girls'/Ladies' Ministry. My top recommended book to any of my girl friends is Captivating by Stasi Eldredge, and I am also a fan of And The Bride Wore White (Dannah Gresh), Every Young Woman's Battle (Shannon Ethridge), Guys Like Girl Who.. (Chad Eastham), and Redefining Beautiful (Jenna Lucado). Any book about inner beauty and purity really draws my attention. My favorite thing to talk about is femininity, and one of my best friends, Amanda, and I go on for hours and hours about it. I have a group of friends who get together and talk about beauty and ways to remind others that they are beautiful too <3. Shout out, Hannah. Anyways, today's devotional was about being a role model and praying to be a better one. My friend Claire messaged me an hour after I finished my devotions for the day, asking me to be a leader and mentor for a 7th and 8th grade girls' event going on at my church. I very badly wanted to be like YES YES YES, but I remembered that we are supposed to pray about everything. I talked to Claire a little more and prayed about it after wards. God finally tugged my heart and was like, "This will be good for you, go do it". (: I thought it was so cool how God worked very quickly, honestly... in only two hours. I love how God works and makes things come together. I feel Him working through this book so much!

So on top of those 8 above prayer requests... one more thing was added on there, this girls event. I am so excited to see where God is leading me through this devotional. He has taught me more about myself, and I am so excited to be on day 60, completely blown away by God and His purpose for my life. <3

Passion.

"Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive." -John Eldredge
I want to get married as soon as possible. As in, at the end of college or immediately after college, actually if God permits.. even in the middle of college. I don't care. I just want to get married. <3 On my honeymoon, my man and i will get matching tattoos. Heck yes.

I want to move to an adventurous state.. preferrably down south.. my dream is Tennessee, but there are several other places that would be just as beautiful.
I want to live in a town full of friendly people, opportunities, and fun. I want to earn my Masters degree in accounting, so i want to be a CPA or maybe an investigative auditor, and possibly have some catering experience for an on the side job for fun.

I want three kids: two boys and a girl, no specific order preferred. More than one girl would be a whole bunch of drama and door-slamming. I will get my babies' names tattood somewhere on me haha.
All of my kids will have to do 20 minutes of reading a day until they are in middle school, and i will try to get them involved in an instrument, sport, or scouts club- whatever makes them happy. They need an activity to keep them growing and entertained.
I will raise my boys to be charming, gentlemen. I hope that i will successfully get them to participate in a cotillion (American style) for lessons on proper etiquette and dance lessons when they are young teens. I hope they are both spitting images of their father.. with a little bit of me too (;
I know for a fact that i will struggle a little bit if my daughter is NOT a girly-girl. It will be very humbling to raise someone who hates pink and refuses to be a Debutante. The moment she's born I'm buying her the book Captivating by Stasi Eldredge with a letter inside to open on her 14th birthday. I hope she looks just like me and has a personality like her dad's.. in a feminine way. I hope my husband keeps a gun to scare off her boyfriends... just so she'll look back on that and feel special and sacred... and a quick way to filter out jerks. College will be a requirement in my house... unless my son or daughter sincerely (a word not used lightly) thinks God says otherwise. I hope atleast one of my kids marries his or her high school sweetheart... so adorable.


My husband will be my children's inspiration. My daughter will learn to choose the right man from her dad's godly example. My sons will imitate their dad's humilty and ways of treatin' a lady. My kids will feel protected because of their father's respectable authority. Anything daddy says will be trusted and right. I wouldn't marry a man who was even 5% close to being that amazing.. he must be all of that. That kind of expectation sounds difficult to find, but trust me, girls, there are men in this world who are everything and more than you could imagine. And if i never find him, and i'm not supposed to get married.. i guess i'll just join the CIA then. Anyways..

With this economy, a stay at home mom is nearly impossible to be... one income is not very easy to live on. I will be home as much as possible for my babies. I will cook them the best dang food they've ever eaten, i will show them the beauty of art in all forms, I will raise them to love Jesus and to serve even the lowest of the low, and i will teach them with Conservative morals (My daughter will join my anti-feminist movement bandwagon). Once my kids are not so little.. maybe in elementary school.. and if God calls me to.. i want to adopt a baby. I want to give someone a home who never would've thought they'd have one.


My house will have a beautiful garden no doubt. Hopefully a jacuzzi for even the cold, winter nights. My kids will play in the yard and feel 110% safe. Hopefully my husband will have a Harley, so we can have some amazing date nights. Traditions that my family has i will pass down. Pizza night once a week.. that will never die. My kids will have a very fond appreciation for pizza.. and popcorn because of how my dad is. I will work for my kids and my sisters' kids.. and even my cousins' kids to have friendships. There's nothing as special as family reunions and good times with my cousins- my kids will quicky learn that too. Also, i will NOT drive a van. That is a goal i have always had. I will not set foot in one.. unless completely necessary. I like SUVs, Jeep Cherokees, and Durangos. I will stay young through that, and many other things.. like not letting my gray hair show until i have grandchildren. Oh, and once my grandkids are all born.. i will get my own Harley and be that kind of grandma. Oh, and did i mention tattoos?


"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 <3

Kiddos

“And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me. But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea." Matthew 18:5-6

Almost every weekday i babysit for a family in Fishers from 3:45-6pm, and i love it. This is a drastic change to how i would've felt about watching a child in the previous few years. I always thought most children were cute, innocent things, i always had the desire to have my own someday, and i always fell in love with close friends' and family members' babies, but thinking of children in general used to... annoy me and sometimes disgust me. Hence, the reason i never went to Camp Allendale at my church unless i were to be directly asked to help.
Now, my perspective has completely changed, and looking back i know just when that transition started happening. In November 2009, one of my best friends' parents adopted 3 beautiful Colombian kids into their family. Watching the kids change, my best friend Eden change, and the family grow in a different way was very inspirational. Seeing those kids go from a hard life in Colombia.. to having full tummies and a loving family. To hear them singing in church and lifting their hands, and saying "Glory to God" over and over again to the tune of Steve Fee's song, really moved me.
I never wanted to adopt.. had no desire to welcome strangers into my home and family.. but now i hope God blesses me with such an opportunity.

Although the kids i babysit can get a little... crazy (sometimes) i still love them. This new job is a ministry, and i pray that God will use me to reach out to them. They need Jesus so much. There mom is very sweet, and she seems to be involved with a church a little bit, but i think it's very hard for her to go because she is a single mother and pharmacist who needs more time with the kids. Something i struggle with is not crossing the line between Babysitter and Mom. The minute i tell the boy to do something he doesn't like... he gets out his cellphone and calls his mom. With the girls, one will either cry or obey... and the other will pretend not to hear me and obey if i get to raising my voice. Sometimes, this job takes a lot of patience, but these precious kids mean well.
 I need a lot of prayer for reaching out to them. If anyone has any suggestions- please share!
Right now, we're working on actually doing homework and not eating snacks past 5... hoping to soon get some chores in there too. What i would really like is to talk to these kids about God in a way that keeps them interested and open. I want to reach out to them. Hopefully, i can get the mom to take them to Camp Allendale.. maybe i can be a counselor? We will see where the Lord leads. Right now, prayers are so much appreciated!
If any mother is reading this and needs a babysitter.. talk to me. I officially love babysitting. (:

"I've used my lungs for everything but breathing", so pray.

"You have these problems because you need the gifts they carry within." -Anonymous

We all have our own issues and situations and often times feel that we can't push through them.
Sometimes these problems look over-bearing. The weight of them seems too big to take on anymore,
and we want to either give in to them.. or throw our very own pity-party and "try" to fix them eventually.

I feel like my personal problems seem too heavy when i lack time in the Word or when i make myself
so busy that my God time isn't as big of a priority as it should be.

There are times that my faith in what God can do is limitless.. and then when i'm blah, i start questioning
things and worrying about things that will never be in my control.

When everything in me is aligned with the Lord... when i daily cry out for my desires to match His, for the fruits of the Spirit, and for humility i stop worrying and i TRUST Him so much more. I pray more for others... even those that can sometimes get on my nerves or are rubbing me the wrong way.

When the enemy sees that i am just an inch away from falling... he will start tempting me and trying to get a toe hold of me.. so that he can eventually get my foot.. then my leg.. and then all of me... The enemy works in quiet, sneaky ways... a little bit at a time, so that before you know it, he has you. That's his trick. The farther you are from God, the more you don't realize the Spiritual attack.

This is what happens with me: For some reason, the enemy tries to use my perspective of people to get me.
When i'm lacking God time, satan will get one innocent person to get under my skin just a little bit. For awhile i will just ignore it and not really think much of it. The less time i have with God, the more that person will annoy me. Then, the enemy will get someone a little closer to me to annoy me, and i'll start getting a little bothered by them. Then he will get someone who has caused wounds in my past to stick out to me in a negative way constantly... which will bring past feelings and anger to push to awaken from the grave just a little bit.  Then, before i know it, i'm concerned about myself and my feelings. I'm not sure why the enemy uses people to try to get me to fall.. maybe because i'm a people person sometimes and an introvert the rest of the time.

On the other hand, when i'm close to God, as soon as someone annoys me i pray for them immediately because i feel like God has them stand out to me as a way to tell me they need prayer. And for that person or people that have caused me wounds who stick out, i'm praying for them a lot and asking God to change them.
I know someone who was confusing me and frustrating me for awhile about their life and relationship with God... then a few months later i hear they're going through something big and all i did was sit there questioning them and getting frustrated by them when i should've used the indications given that something weird was happening as a sign to pray for them. It doesn't hurt to pray.. it's worth the effort.


Without God we have no wisdom, so without God we don't know what's best for us and we don't see our own mistakes. That's so obvious, but sometimes being a Christian and referring that back to ourselves, we forget. We will never understand everything that happens or why things happen, but through it all God's promises remain.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom Proverbs 9:10


"Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall" Psalms 55:22 

When i finally see myself being stupid and worldly, i just pray. Sometimes prayer is over-complicated. God can do anything, remember? I ask him to make me a better person in the areas that i am weak, and to change my thoughts so they don't dare become words or actions. We are not called to be perfect, but to strive to be more like Him.

*I feel like i already blogged about prayer.. but here it is again. Have Problems? Pray!