Sunday, September 5, 2010

She's "not all there".. or here

There’s so much I miss. Yet so much I don’t want to revisit.

Life’s not perfect.. at all. Not everything goes right. Nevermind, everything goes right. Just not the way i want. “No regrets”, whatever, sure.

 I have lived a very blessed and somewhat exciting life (to me anyways). At the same time, I have so much life coming at me. Hitting me in the face... in a good way. So much to look forward to.

So much excitement.. so much curiosity and mystery. I want my life to unwrap. I want to know what happens.

Everyone can relate. If not now, one day you'll see that when love is in your life, you wouldn’t even return to the past for a single pleasant thing that’s happened. Nothing worldly seems as important.You just love that person and your shared story thus far. You're blown away and very thankful.

Love makes you not care. You are so focused on the now and on the future. You just want more , more, more of it. You want all you can take. Kind of like a tic tac, one is never minty or satisfying enough.
So i want more life but want to remember less life at the same time? How does that make any sense?

What i think happens is that being just on the borderline aka right on top of the question mark of life, i’m not yet in for what’s next and not yet out of childhood completely.. i run to the past to remember and then run back to the future to dream.

Maybe that’s just a good definition of high school, and college too even, I don’t know. Sometimes it’s so hard to stay in the now. Trust is key. Trusting is not one of my strong points. Trusting God is… trusting people isn’t. If you are a control freak and you have the same problem… it’s because you’re a control freak, and that’s all there is to it.

But, like me, there comes a time when you just need to let go of high expectations and just live. When you live.. you love and are loved.

If you’re always looking forward to something or looking back on something.. you’re missing the something that’s happening now, what a waste! In reality, when God is at the center of your life there’s nothing to worry about. That's the love story worth creating.

“Don’t long for the `good ole days,’ this is not wise. Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. Remember that nothing is certain in life”. Ecclesiastes 7:10,14

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