Purpose

Last weekend I purchased a book called Praying for Purpose, which is a 60-day devotional that I have been journaling along with. I am currently on Day 9, and I have decided to create a list of prayers inspired from each day after every 8 days of this book... to remember what I am praying for. The list will keep building and growing, and I am so excited to see how God answers these prayers!

Days 1-8 I have been praying for the following things:

• -To have no more fear
• -To be thankful for consequences
• -To have strong perseverance
• -To be filled with wisdom
• -To be reminded that God makes all things beautiful.
• -For God to reveal to me my skills and talents, and that I will use all of them to the nth degree.
• -To be successful and to remember that true success is God glorifying.
• -To be a role model and example to others, and at the same time for God to open my eyes to Christians who can be examples to me.

God has given me a passion for Girls'/Ladies' Ministry. My top recommended book to any of my girl friends is Captivating by Stasi Eldredge, and I am also a fan of And The Bride Wore White (Dannah Gresh), Every Young Woman's Battle (Shannon Ethridge), Guys Like Girl Who.. (Chad Eastham), and Redefining Beautiful (Jenna Lucado). Any book about inner beauty and purity really draws my attention. My favorite thing to talk about is femininity, and one of my best friends, Amanda, and I go on for hours and hours about it. I have a group of friends who get together and talk about beauty and ways to remind others that they are beautiful too <3. Shout out, Hannah. Anyways, today's devotional was about being a role model and praying to be a better one. My friend Claire messaged me an hour after I finished my devotions for the day, asking me to be a leader and mentor for a 7th and 8th grade girls' event going on at my church. I very badly wanted to be like YES YES YES, but I remembered that we are supposed to pray about everything. I talked to Claire a little more and prayed about it after wards. God finally tugged my heart and was like, "This will be good for you, go do it". (: I thought it was so cool how God worked very quickly, honestly... in only two hours. I love how God works and makes things come together. I feel Him working through this book so much!

So on top of those 8 above prayer requests... one more thing was added on there, this girls event. I am so excited to see where God is leading me through this devotional. He has taught me more about myself, and I am so excited to be on day 60, completely blown away by God and His purpose for my life. <3

Passion.

"Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive." -John Eldredge
I want to get married as soon as possible. As in, at the end of college or immediately after college, actually if God permits.. even in the middle of college. I don't care. I just want to get married. <3 On my honeymoon, my man and i will get matching tattoos. Heck yes.

I want to move to an adventurous state.. preferrably down south.. my dream is Tennessee, but there are several other places that would be just as beautiful.
I want to live in a town full of friendly people, opportunities, and fun. I want to earn my Masters degree in accounting, so i want to be a CPA or maybe an investigative auditor, and possibly have some catering experience for an on the side job for fun.

I want three kids: two boys and a girl, no specific order preferred. More than one girl would be a whole bunch of drama and door-slamming. I will get my babies' names tattood somewhere on me haha.
All of my kids will have to do 20 minutes of reading a day until they are in middle school, and i will try to get them involved in an instrument, sport, or scouts club- whatever makes them happy. They need an activity to keep them growing and entertained.
I will raise my boys to be charming, gentlemen. I hope that i will successfully get them to participate in a cotillion (American style) for lessons on proper etiquette and dance lessons when they are young teens. I hope they are both spitting images of their father.. with a little bit of me too (;
I know for a fact that i will struggle a little bit if my daughter is NOT a girly-girl. It will be very humbling to raise someone who hates pink and refuses to be a Debutante. The moment she's born I'm buying her the book Captivating by Stasi Eldredge with a letter inside to open on her 14th birthday. I hope she looks just like me and has a personality like her dad's.. in a feminine way. I hope my husband keeps a gun to scare off her boyfriends... just so she'll look back on that and feel special and sacred... and a quick way to filter out jerks. College will be a requirement in my house... unless my son or daughter sincerely (a word not used lightly) thinks God says otherwise. I hope atleast one of my kids marries his or her high school sweetheart... so adorable.


My husband will be my children's inspiration. My daughter will learn to choose the right man from her dad's godly example. My sons will imitate their dad's humilty and ways of treatin' a lady. My kids will feel protected because of their father's respectable authority. Anything daddy says will be trusted and right. I wouldn't marry a man who was even 5% close to being that amazing.. he must be all of that. That kind of expectation sounds difficult to find, but trust me, girls, there are men in this world who are everything and more than you could imagine. And if i never find him, and i'm not supposed to get married.. i guess i'll just join the CIA then. Anyways..

With this economy, a stay at home mom is nearly impossible to be... one income is not very easy to live on. I will be home as much as possible for my babies. I will cook them the best dang food they've ever eaten, i will show them the beauty of art in all forms, I will raise them to love Jesus and to serve even the lowest of the low, and i will teach them with Conservative morals (My daughter will join my anti-feminist movement bandwagon). Once my kids are not so little.. maybe in elementary school.. and if God calls me to.. i want to adopt a baby. I want to give someone a home who never would've thought they'd have one.


My house will have a beautiful garden no doubt. Hopefully a jacuzzi for even the cold, winter nights. My kids will play in the yard and feel 110% safe. Hopefully my husband will have a Harley, so we can have some amazing date nights. Traditions that my family has i will pass down. Pizza night once a week.. that will never die. My kids will have a very fond appreciation for pizza.. and popcorn because of how my dad is. I will work for my kids and my sisters' kids.. and even my cousins' kids to have friendships. There's nothing as special as family reunions and good times with my cousins- my kids will quicky learn that too. Also, i will NOT drive a van. That is a goal i have always had. I will not set foot in one.. unless completely necessary. I like SUVs, Jeep Cherokees, and Durangos. I will stay young through that, and many other things.. like not letting my gray hair show until i have grandchildren. Oh, and once my grandkids are all born.. i will get my own Harley and be that kind of grandma. Oh, and did i mention tattoos?


"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 <3

Kiddos

“And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me. But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea." Matthew 18:5-6

Almost every weekday i babysit for a family in Fishers from 3:45-6pm, and i love it. This is a drastic change to how i would've felt about watching a child in the previous few years. I always thought most children were cute, innocent things, i always had the desire to have my own someday, and i always fell in love with close friends' and family members' babies, but thinking of children in general used to... annoy me and sometimes disgust me. Hence, the reason i never went to Camp Allendale at my church unless i were to be directly asked to help.
Now, my perspective has completely changed, and looking back i know just when that transition started happening. In November 2009, one of my best friends' parents adopted 3 beautiful Colombian kids into their family. Watching the kids change, my best friend Eden change, and the family grow in a different way was very inspirational. Seeing those kids go from a hard life in Colombia.. to having full tummies and a loving family. To hear them singing in church and lifting their hands, and saying "Glory to God" over and over again to the tune of Steve Fee's song, really moved me.
I never wanted to adopt.. had no desire to welcome strangers into my home and family.. but now i hope God blesses me with such an opportunity.

Although the kids i babysit can get a little... crazy (sometimes) i still love them. This new job is a ministry, and i pray that God will use me to reach out to them. They need Jesus so much. There mom is very sweet, and she seems to be involved with a church a little bit, but i think it's very hard for her to go because she is a single mother and pharmacist who needs more time with the kids. Something i struggle with is not crossing the line between Babysitter and Mom. The minute i tell the boy to do something he doesn't like... he gets out his cellphone and calls his mom. With the girls, one will either cry or obey... and the other will pretend not to hear me and obey if i get to raising my voice. Sometimes, this job takes a lot of patience, but these precious kids mean well.
 I need a lot of prayer for reaching out to them. If anyone has any suggestions- please share!
Right now, we're working on actually doing homework and not eating snacks past 5... hoping to soon get some chores in there too. What i would really like is to talk to these kids about God in a way that keeps them interested and open. I want to reach out to them. Hopefully, i can get the mom to take them to Camp Allendale.. maybe i can be a counselor? We will see where the Lord leads. Right now, prayers are so much appreciated!
If any mother is reading this and needs a babysitter.. talk to me. I officially love babysitting. (:

"I've used my lungs for everything but breathing", so pray.

"You have these problems because you need the gifts they carry within." -Anonymous

We all have our own issues and situations and often times feel that we can't push through them.
Sometimes these problems look over-bearing. The weight of them seems too big to take on anymore,
and we want to either give in to them.. or throw our very own pity-party and "try" to fix them eventually.

I feel like my personal problems seem too heavy when i lack time in the Word or when i make myself
so busy that my God time isn't as big of a priority as it should be.

There are times that my faith in what God can do is limitless.. and then when i'm blah, i start questioning
things and worrying about things that will never be in my control.

When everything in me is aligned with the Lord... when i daily cry out for my desires to match His, for the fruits of the Spirit, and for humility i stop worrying and i TRUST Him so much more. I pray more for others... even those that can sometimes get on my nerves or are rubbing me the wrong way.

When the enemy sees that i am just an inch away from falling... he will start tempting me and trying to get a toe hold of me.. so that he can eventually get my foot.. then my leg.. and then all of me... The enemy works in quiet, sneaky ways... a little bit at a time, so that before you know it, he has you. That's his trick. The farther you are from God, the more you don't realize the Spiritual attack.

This is what happens with me: For some reason, the enemy tries to use my perspective of people to get me.
When i'm lacking God time, satan will get one innocent person to get under my skin just a little bit. For awhile i will just ignore it and not really think much of it. The less time i have with God, the more that person will annoy me. Then, the enemy will get someone a little closer to me to annoy me, and i'll start getting a little bothered by them. Then he will get someone who has caused wounds in my past to stick out to me in a negative way constantly... which will bring past feelings and anger to push to awaken from the grave just a little bit.  Then, before i know it, i'm concerned about myself and my feelings. I'm not sure why the enemy uses people to try to get me to fall.. maybe because i'm a people person sometimes and an introvert the rest of the time.

On the other hand, when i'm close to God, as soon as someone annoys me i pray for them immediately because i feel like God has them stand out to me as a way to tell me they need prayer. And for that person or people that have caused me wounds who stick out, i'm praying for them a lot and asking God to change them.
I know someone who was confusing me and frustrating me for awhile about their life and relationship with God... then a few months later i hear they're going through something big and all i did was sit there questioning them and getting frustrated by them when i should've used the indications given that something weird was happening as a sign to pray for them. It doesn't hurt to pray.. it's worth the effort.


Without God we have no wisdom, so without God we don't know what's best for us and we don't see our own mistakes. That's so obvious, but sometimes being a Christian and referring that back to ourselves, we forget. We will never understand everything that happens or why things happen, but through it all God's promises remain.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom Proverbs 9:10


"Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall" Psalms 55:22 

When i finally see myself being stupid and worldly, i just pray. Sometimes prayer is over-complicated. God can do anything, remember? I ask him to make me a better person in the areas that i am weak, and to change my thoughts so they don't dare become words or actions. We are not called to be perfect, but to strive to be more like Him.

*I feel like i already blogged about prayer.. but here it is again. Have Problems? Pray!

Talk VS Slander

Something that i have been thinking a lot about lately is GOSSIP.

We all know that the word gossip is a negative connotation for speaking poorly

of someone. Actually, the word gossip has an ulterior definition, "light talk", but

the kind of gossiping i am speaking of is the word's recognized definition,

"malicious chatter".

Everyone gossips sinfully or not, it's inevitable, but once the enemy has a foothold on us through it,

it's hard to define the usually distinct line between talking down on someone and talking

to someone about someone else for righteous reasons. The righteous reason either being

for expressing concern or asking for advice on how to handle that person and their treatment to you.

When you are discussing a person to a friend in a concerned way, there should not be anything belittling

about that conversation or that will turn into malicious gossip. Remember, it's so easy to turn to

a friend rather than turning to God first. If someone is really bothering you, pray FIRST for that

person and how you treat that person in response. 

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need" Matthew 6:33

If you absolutely need to talk about it with someone, make sure your motives are not to uplift yourself or tear down that offensive person. Sometimes, we just need to vent to a best friend, but i think venting to more than one person about someone else turns into sin. 

You have more than one best friend you like to vent to? That is not wise. Keep

it to one or two MAXimum. Also, make sure the best friend you are venting to isn't one who eats

up information for useless reasons. Make sure he or she has the same motives as you do when

speaking to them.

It is also wise to talk to a pastor or Christian parent about the situation if you need further guidance. 

He or she has been there, and although it may seem more difficult to relate to an adult over a best friend, the adult is the one who is more likely to give that five star advice.

If a friend or frenemy, whatever, is attacking you or putting you down, why not politely confront them?

It is likely that he or she is oblivious to his or her actions and may even feel bad. DO NOT, and i repeat, DO NOT TEXT THEM OR SEND OUT A FACEBOOK MESSAGE when confronting, that's immature. Make it face to face or telephone if it is long distance. Not talking to one's face is cowardly, text messaging serious things is pathetic... let's grow up!
When in response to your confrontation that person doesn't care or doesn't change, stay away from them. Be polite, but don't ignite a fire for friendship, that is misleading. 

Do not pretend to be friends with someone that you just don't want to be friends with, that's lying. Wear kindness and loyalty around your neck, but be honest.

"“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back" Matthew 18:15

*There is more to that verse that continues in 18:16-17, but verse 15 contains step 1. 

I have observed that a lot of Christians think that because they're, well, Christians that [wrongly] gossiping in their case is "different". We've all have fallen into that trap.

You may have one idea that you're talking to someone in the right way, just to vent or get prayer or advice, but the enemy can quickly turn that into sin, piece by piece. Satan usually works with

small portions at a time so you don't even know when you're falling. Always be on guard by staying in constant prayer! As Christians we are to be the example of Christ. We need to express His love in our lives

by acting as He calls us to act- more like Him! The second we start the fall we should be on our knees in prayer. 

When struggling with gossip, i like to read James 3 Click and check it out (:

She's "not all there".. or here

There’s so much I miss. Yet so much I don’t want to revisit.

Life’s not perfect.. at all. Not everything goes right. Nevermind, everything goes right. Just not the way i want. “No regrets”, whatever, sure.

 I have lived a very blessed and somewhat exciting life (to me anyways). At the same time, I have so much life coming at me. Hitting me in the face... in a good way. So much to look forward to.

So much excitement.. so much curiosity and mystery. I want my life to unwrap. I want to know what happens.

Everyone can relate. If not now, one day you'll see that when love is in your life, you wouldn’t even return to the past for a single pleasant thing that’s happened. Nothing worldly seems as important.You just love that person and your shared story thus far. You're blown away and very thankful.

Love makes you not care. You are so focused on the now and on the future. You just want more , more, more of it. You want all you can take. Kind of like a tic tac, one is never minty or satisfying enough.
So i want more life but want to remember less life at the same time? How does that make any sense?

What i think happens is that being just on the borderline aka right on top of the question mark of life, i’m not yet in for what’s next and not yet out of childhood completely.. i run to the past to remember and then run back to the future to dream.

Maybe that’s just a good definition of high school, and college too even, I don’t know. Sometimes it’s so hard to stay in the now. Trust is key. Trusting is not one of my strong points. Trusting God is… trusting people isn’t. If you are a control freak and you have the same problem… it’s because you’re a control freak, and that’s all there is to it.

But, like me, there comes a time when you just need to let go of high expectations and just live. When you live.. you love and are loved.

If you’re always looking forward to something or looking back on something.. you’re missing the something that’s happening now, what a waste! In reality, when God is at the center of your life there’s nothing to worry about. That's the love story worth creating.

“Don’t long for the `good ole days,’ this is not wise. Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. Remember that nothing is certain in life”. Ecclesiastes 7:10,14

Wake Me Up When September Begins

Last month at CIY my challenge card was to lead a devotion with my family once a week, pray that God will move in my family, and to start with the book of Mark.
When i first opened my card i was in awe of God's perfection. My family definitely needed something like this. We've tried family bible studies in years past, but it was always hard to get everyone together with all of the activities we were all involved in, so we gave up countless times.
Now we're on week 4 and it's been great!
We started with Mark... i kind of changed up the rules and went through a summary of Mark instead of analyzing it closely (not sure if that's cheating lol). Then we talked about our favorite verses from that book.
Now we're on to one of my favorite books from the bible, Ecclesiastes, and we're doing about 2 chapters a night. Satan gets me to feel so un-motivated every stinkin' week, but that just inspires me to push harder.
In the end, God makes me more thankful for my family. Thanks to everyone who has been praying!

School started a few weeks ago. Ever since then I've lost track of time. If every week is as fast as last week was we're in trouble.
I love my classes, which is kind of nerdy, but that's what keeps my day going. I have a day that's solely math and math-like classes alone, and i am so thankful to be able to focus on one subject in a day.

Thursday is small group orientation at my church and i'm so pumped for another year of growing with some lovely girls.
I have been biking and running everyday, and now i'm addicted. (: Our basement is slowly becoming a gym.
I am still getting the hang of balancing devotions, homework, work, college class, working out, friends, and church activities, but it's good prep for next year.

PS) I'm itchin' for some Fall weather. This summer weather heat is exhausting.

My Health/Fitness Observations

1. Water needs to be a priority. Don't drink anything more than water in a day. Try to make milk come in 2nd. So many times i crave a sugary beverage.. before giving in, drink water and see how you feel. usually the craving goes away for me.

2. Fast food? I see so many people make a bad habit of eating out constantly! My family eats out 1-2 times a month OR LESS. Save your money and your body.

3. Eat slowly! Give your comsumptions time to settle in your stomach. Then you will be least likely to go for a second helping.

4. Don't allow yourself to indulge in any junk food until you've had some type of fruit or veggie. it's great self-discipline.

5. When you take a break from working out for more than one day.. it instantly becomes a chore. Keep focused and push forward.

6. Pilates balls are excellent ab-workers. I love mine to keep my stomach toned. I just lay on my back and basically go back into a bridge (like in gymnastics) then slowly move up. It feels great and is more effective than sit ups!

7. When your brain tells you that you're hungry.. stay out of the kitchen for 15 minutes and engage in a distracting activity (excluding the TV because of food commercials), and your stomach should calm down. Try to listen to the depths of your stomach.. like the difference between love and infatuation.. know the difference between hunger and cravings.

8. Make dessert more of a treat than a habit. Make dessert a reward for a hard workout or a day of total healthy eating. Give yourself something to work for.

9. Put junk food in hard to reach areas.. when you eat sweets take small tidbits and put the bag or box in a complicated place.. in that way when you're done you can decide if it's worth it to get up again and walk all the way over for round 2.

10. Have you heard the supposed myth that a little chocolate a day is good for you? I'm not sure how
accurate that is, but i tell myself it's true. Like exercise, chocolate causes endorphins.. if i'm convinced
that i'm following the rules by eating a little chocolate a day i'm gonna be happy and motivated by that alone!

11. Never, ever compare yourself to someone else. First of all, we're all made to be uniquely who we are.
Looking at a fit person and wanting that look could easily cause jealousy. We're not all meant to look the same. It's not wrong to have a goal of what you want to look like, but comparing yourself is ungodly. Plus,
someone's always going to look better than you in your eyes no matter who you are (tough love).

12. Most importantly, remember what God thinks, "Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit; therefore, glorify God with your body." (1 Corinthians 6:19)
That does not only mean by what you wear or how you behave but what you eat and how you treat God's work of art! "It’s not good to eat too much honey, and it’s not good to seek honors for yourself." (Proverbs 25:27) I feel like that verse applies to how selfish going out to eat several times a month can become. We're running out our money to satisfy ourselves with unhealthy food. Let's face it, owning money can easily become so self-centered, we buy things that we think will make us happy. Why not cut out something
that gives temporary happiness and long-lasting FAT.
"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31)
Like i said, fastfood kills your body and eats up your money. We need to work our hardest to keep our
bodies healthy. I believe that the Lord will bless us for it!

Short & to the point.

I am a female, a woman, a lady.

And i believe that a lady's job is to not pursue, but to be pursued.

To be honest, to be lovely, to be respectful AND respected, to be lively, to be godly, to be faithful, to be pure, and to be encouraging.

I love being a girly-girl. I love pink, lace, pearls, red roses, and love.

I love feeling pretty, I love being adored, and I love being a girl. I have a higher, much deeper opinion on this matter, but for now all i want to say is that above. the end.

And you can't point fingers

What do i want? It can't be love.
The liar tells me that 
Love at this age is fake
and delusional
and heart-breaking
and misleading
and a lie

I don't want to risk the possibility of becoming that "annoying, exclusive pair" with someone.
I don't want to risk giving into the temptations of going further.
I don't want to risk believing in something that is a 50/50 chance.
I don't want and do want so many things that i don't even know which way is mine.

And yet,
something keeps me going and keeps me pushing.
something keeps this alive. Whatever "this" is.

This is a mystery. I am confused. You should be confused.
"This" is confusing. "This" may not even be real. maybe it's all an allusion.

Whatever it is... i think i have finally figured "this" out.
"This" is me believing that love is possible. That it is able to be real and eternal.
"This" can be defined as hope that won't die. Hope that's holding on to the last possible strand.
The last strand that makes your hands bleed and knuckles sore.
"This" is not giving up. Every girl can say, "This" has become a school girl crush gone wrong.
It always seems like it does.
“Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge, or point fingers. 
You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you.”
-Audrey Hepburn.

But when you put it all into perspective.. in reality... "This" is faith. This = faith.
Everything you ever go through for someone or with someone with no strings attached, no promises made, and no idea what will happen... is FAITH! And faith is the "This" that is pressing me forward.


Because in reality love is beautiful. God puts love on a pedestal.
God heeds love's importance again and again.
You can do all things great and not love... and still burn in hell.
Just take a look at 1 Corinthians 13. Love is important.
Not just romantic love, but loving other humans. Loving everyone is the most important.
Love is vital. And never could i look at God... and look at all He's done.. and not believe in love.
I KNOW it's real.. and i want to experience it.

Usually i am a closed book, but now i must admit that
in other words, i want to fall in love. Just like every other girl.

In all seriousness..

Do you know what i seriously dream of? Do you know what i would love?
I would just love to have amnesia for one week.
I'd love to not know who my friends are and re-analyze who i associate myself with.
I'd love to remember nothing about anyone and have a clean sheet, a fresh start.
I'd love to be told who my supposed friends are and see how my infant-like reaction to them would be.
I'd love to remember everything at the end of the week and remember my amnesiac perspective and then compare it to my original perspective. i would absolutely love that.

CIY MOVE 2010

Last week (19th- 24th) i went with 77 other people from my church to S. Illinois University to CIY MOVE.
Having gone to the CIY 2 years ago i was expecting to go there, let God change and better me, and leave with a fire for Christ that, to my disappointment, i knew would die 2 weeks later.
Two years ago when i went it was my first time and i didn't know what to expect. I came out of it blown away and it sickened me to be home.. back to reality.

This time i went into CIY already being on fire for Christ (if you read my previous blog you know why), and i had no idea what would happen. To be honest, i didn't feel like God was speaking to me at all through any of the lessons. I felt like what was being taught was what i already knew and i was simply being reminded. For me, all the sermons were like watching the Notebook.. such a great and lovely movie, but i have already seen it plenty of times and it won't move me again until i see it in a long time from now.

   GOD still worked and showed His presence to me in different ways. He helped me find a book that i've eyed for a couple of months and that is absolutely perfect for my spiritual growth right now.. Forgotten God.
   GOD put me in a D-group that was filled with a couple people God placed on my heart to pray for long before CIY, new people that i was intrigued by on the trip up, a couple of friends i have started to get to know, and two great leaders Todd & Sierra. Sierra is my sisters' friend's older sister. She is the youngest leader who went but her wisdom is honestly equal or above a couple of the older adults who did go. Todd was someone i was always curious about.. i was glad anytime he was going to speak at AWAKE because all the boys' highest respect and love for him as a small group leader made me want to experience it too. Basically after seeing who was all in my D-group it was great to not only know but to see that God had a purpose for that.
   GOD did the work of physical healing in two different instances one involving me and one involving a friend. I have never experienced God in that way and it blew my mind.

Whatever God wanted me to get out of CIY i didn't know even on the last day, which was exciting but kind of  nerve-wracking. I just assumed that whatever God wanted me to carry on to impact my life would have to be my challenge card.

On the very last night, there was the annual girls' night party.. every year, all the girls get together and bring left over junk food and hang out. The night started with all of the girls on the trip except maybe.. 5-7 girls who chose to sleep. Little by little girls would leave and go to bed and by 2:30a.m. only Shelby, Shannon, Alisha, Lakin, Brooke, Carlie, Eden, and I were left. I was falling asleep and speaking of going off to bed multiple times.. but by 3 or 4am we were all wide awake and God brought us together in ways that none of us ever dreamed. It was a very personal night that was fun, scary, peaceful, sad, and joyous (i do not use any of those adjectives lightly), but all of us were affected by it and i believe that God made it strictly the 8 of us for a reason. We are all starting an accountability group that i have been personally longing to have for a while. All of us feel like we have been friends for years, and we have a great love for each other that is present in a way so much stronger than before that night/morning happened.

Then i knew that one of God's purposes for me being at CIY was for that night. At WRCC's CIY AWAKE WORSHIP NIGHT i opened my challenge card and it is absolutely PERFECT. God told me to lead my family in a weekly bible study... and to start off with the book of Mark.
I know that big things will come from the family devotional time because it's everything my family needs right now.

The outcomes of CIY this year for me are going to be long-lasting and life-changing in contrast to the last time i went where i was on fire for Christ for only a couple of weeks and then it burned out. Honestly, i don't even remember what i learned the first time i went, but this year i am still learning things from it and will gain so much more. Thank you Jesus. <3

Out of the ashes we rise.. there’s no one like You

"The Holy Spirit had not yet come upon any of them, for they had only been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus." Acts 8:16

 God has been moving in my life a bunch lately and showing me new things.
I have been baptized by water, but my mom baptized me by the Holy Spirit on July 14th. I didn't even know baptism by the Holy Spirit is different than baptism by water. I have felt the Holy Spirit before but not like now. If you have not been baptized by the Holy Spirit you should definitely pray about it. It has changed my life.

“I baptize with water those who repent of their sins and turn to God. But someone is coming soon who is greater than I am—so much greater that I’m not worthy even to be his slave and carry his sandals. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire." -Matthew 3:11

"Jesus replied, “I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit." -John 3:5 

In other ways, a lot has happened since my last post. I wish i could remember everything to update on, but i can hardly even remember what i did this past week.

My mom ended up staying in Florida to say good-bye to Grandpa for 3 weeks!!! My mom and great-aunt prayed over him and talked to him for 1.5 hours right before he died and felt so much joy and peace in their hearts. Gene Weisenberger 3/3/33 - 6/29/10.

I got a twitter (soviesunshine) a couple of weeks ago. This is something that i have been debating about for awhile. I always feel like twitter is promoting narcissism in a lot of cases. Quite frankly, no one really cares what you're doing every second of your life. Facebook and twitter go hand in hand with being abused. It's so easy to be completely full of yourself on either accounts. As Christians, we need to fight the urge to talk about ourselves and uplift ourselves. We do not belong to ourselves (1 Corinthians 6:19). Instead we should be lifting Jesus up and sharing about Him. We weren't put on this earth for ourselves. God gave me the idea to make a twitter to tweet inspirational quotes and bible verses that speak to me. I figure that friends get these sent to their phones; great way to inspire them too! So follow me, friends!

CIY Move starts tomorrow and i am so ready to let God work.

Opening Some Doors and Closing Others

My God is awesome and i love Him. Two days ago i decided what my major is. It's obviously (probably) going to be temporary since people seem to change majors all the time, but this is good for now.

Oh, and when i said major, i mean majors. Yes, the plan (FOR NOW) is to double major for Accounting and Interior Decorating. Woohoo! Passion mixed with gifted-ness. Honestly, i chose to double maj because i couldn't decide between the two. Accounting ensures a job because of the constant need for an accountant even in a bad ecnonmy and i'm good at math, whereas interior decorating is what i love and could get really good at. When i walk into other people's homes i get inspired.. most of my favorite stores are places like Kirklands & Z-Gallerie. It's love <3 

My Grandpa's condition is worsening. He can't eat very easily because it hurts to swallow, and drinking makes him swell up. He gets 4ish Liters of fluid removed from his daily. My mom went to visit him Tuesday, Jun 15th and is staying two more weeks than originally planned. My grandpa, grandma, mom & her siblings have been at the top of my prayer list.

I got to model for Meyer Photography's Rock the Dress. It was so much fun and these people are doing my senior pictures. I am also going to be a Senior rep for them as well. They are an awesome couple and they're so sweet! I'm hoping to get more chances to model and to join a modeling agency to get more experience. I am currently working on my modeling portfolio and hopefully i'm doing it right. I am sending a few apps to different agencies and we'll see where God takes this.

 Right now i'm re-reading Captivating and reading Wild at Heart for the first time. These books are amazing. Everyone i talk to i try to get them to read these books. I have a feeling that God is calling me in this type of ministry with friends.. more on that later once i figure it all out. For now, God has called me to start a small group that will soon be studying these books. He brought it into my heart back in February when i first read the book and now it's happening. I can't wait!

I finally finished the book Lord Foulgrin's Letters after about a month and a half. The book is basically an easier version of Screwtape Letters, and i plan to read that one later. If you don't get what these two books are about-- basically demons write letters back and forth to try to keep a person from God. In turn, the book shows what happens after each letter. They're both very eye-opening and interesting, and in my opinion, very accurate. Through this book i've seen where i've been tempted and how i've been appealed to things. It's scary if you don't believe in demons and the devil, and i know that our worldly society tells us to either completely blow off any idea of any evil like that.. or to be completely obsessed or captured by the evil. Both aren't good.

CIY is coming in a couple of weeks and i am so ready! I'll be praying for everyone's hearts to be prepared until then.

Everything Happens For A Reason

There is a lot of stuff going on in my life right now, and i'm being hit with a lot at once.
I'm trying to stay calm through all of this and i really need prayer.
I would really appreciate it if you could pray for the salvation of my favorite grandfather who is dying from cancer. I'm sorry this update is so cut short and without detail but one day i will be more specific. Trying to stay strong.

no one left

everyone is leaving :(

and yes i'm completely aware that God will never leave.

Sometimes The Answers Are So Simple and Obvious

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Oh, Goodie..

"As for the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good." 2 Thessalonians 3:13

Along with the whole "WWJD?" saying/reminder ('What would Jesus do?' for those of you unfamiliar) lately i have been struggling with putting those two things into practice.

I haven't been struggling to forget those things in big situations, but in little ways like my thoughts and motives (Which in a sense can both grow to be bigger issues).

The other day i was.. maybe i can say criticized.. or maybe it wasn't critical, but more of something that stuck out to a couple of people that i am a "goody goody", well-behaved little girl. whatever the term.
When that was said.. i'm doubt these people meant it in this light.. but i took it in a bad way. An example would be, "You want a tattoo?.. that seems a little low for you.. it doesnt seem like you at all". Something like that. I love these people to death, and i hold nothing against them.. but my reaction stuck out to me because i was a little defensive.

And now i think back and wonder WHY SHOULD I BE? It should be an honor that these people view me in that light. I want to grow to be a godly woman every day. Why be ashamed?

Maybe the tone i got from them saying that made me feel a little sad because of the stereotypical "good christian girl that wouldn't pierce her ears or hurt a fly" label, which is a completely awful way to view anyone who loves the Lord, and i didn't want to be viewed that way.

i am just trying to clean up how i react to those kinds of things because they are compliments in the long run.
my reaction in my head and aloud was offensive and disrespectful to God. i am glad these people said this to me so i can check myself. Even though it can be hard, it's an honor when the Lord reveals things about you that need a good fixing.. that way we can better ourselves.

It All Looks Smooth From Here

Time to rebirth my artistic ability. After 5 years of a break, I'm ready to live again.

Junior Prom

Prom was amazing and my date was my best friend.

Kings Island the next day was crazy fun and I was with some great people.

I definitely had one of the best weekends of my life.
Nope.. you don't get details... you'll have to ask i guess ;)
The end. :)

Purdue Trip

On April 9th I went to check out Purdue, and I really really liked it.
Although this was my first college visit, Purdue made me feel pretty great.
I went to an Engineering seminar, although I would have a knack for that major, there's no way I'd like it. Both of my parents were engineers, and I was given the gift, but there's no passion there (at least for right now). After that I checked out the Pharmacy School Seminar, and I am definitely adding that to my "list of majors". I don't hate science (only physics), and I know there's a lot of $$$ involved.. I understand not to only go after a job for the pay, and I get that but there's no way that's not a major thing I have to look at. What I like about the idea of being a Pharmacist is because it gives flexible hours (perfect for my future house-wife career), has a great pay, and has a lot to do with Chemistry. So yeah, I'm considering it.

I extremely loved the dorm tour we got as well. Every girl loves that part haha.

My best friend and I have shared a crazy dream about going there together with a bunch of friends who have already gotten in. We'll see where God takes us :)

I am excited to visit Northwestern this Wednesday. I love college visit.

Facebook

I just want to take the time to talk about how immature it is to post serious things on Facebook. Things can be hurtful and can rip people a part. I have had little time to actually be on this week, but whenever I am I see nasty things. Is it not obvious that the world can see what you post? Atleast keep it private or in a message if you gotta tell someone something.
Nothing serious has happened to me in anyway, but I have seen it happening to others lately, and it's sickening. As Christians we are supposed to love everyone, even those that get on our nerves. As Christ has said, what good is it to love only those we love? How are we accomplishing anything? Facebook is a pretty low place to post things serious. Facebook is meant to be a place to connect friends together and stay in the loop with our loved ones. Grr!

Later on I will put an update about how my Purdue visit went and other fun stuff in my life. For now I gotta get to studying for Physics.

Right Now Somebody Needs A Reason To Believe

Lately I have been learning a lot about my non-believer friends from what they tell me. I am glad that they tell me things so I can pray for their salvation, but I think there comes a point where the information they give me about what goes on in their lives completely freaks me out. I love it when the Lord speaks through me to my atheist friends, and when I see God speaking through another Christian. It is awesome! I just think lately I have been filled with a lot of doubt because of a lot of my friends' apathy about the Lord and the bad decisions they make. I feel the Lord has placed a lot more people who hate Him in my life than ever before, and right now I am just really trying to be the example He is calling me to be. I am really trying to fight off this doubt because God can do anything. I know that these people are completely able to love Him, but they are so blind about their choices that they do not see the purpose or self-benefit in doing so.

Too many times I am too focused on myself and my life that I completely forget to pray for the lost, and I want to change that. God wants us to share the good news with everyone and to not let fear or doubt get in the way of doing what we're called to do.

"You see, we don’t go around preaching about ourselves. We preach that Jesus Christ is Lord, and we ourselves are your servants for Jesus’ sake" 2 Corinthians 4:5

Not Because We Like It

"They take pictures of the mountain climbers at the top of the mountain. They are smiling, ecstatic, triumphant. They don’t take pictures along the way, cause who wants to remember the rest of it? We push ourselves because we have to, not because we like it. The relentless climb, the pain and anguish of taking it to the next level – nobody takes pictures of that, nobody wants to remember, we just want to remember the view from the top, the breathtaking moment at the edge of the world. That’s what keeps us climbing, and it’s worth the pain, that’s the crazy part. It’s worth anything"
-Grey's Anatomy

*Random Updates

-Last Thursday my dad, sister katie, and i went to Wooster, OH, to the Children's Home of Ohio on a missions trip with WRCC. Originally my mom and sister, kelly, were supposed to come too, but kelly had a 24-hour flu.
On all day Friday and Saturday morning the crew worked on cleaning up the ground and adding mulch. The band Sing, Love, Sing! came on Saturday afternoon and the kids loved it!
Sunday morning we cleaned up the place WRCC stayed in, took a group picture outside, and drove home. I had a great weekend and got close to a lot of people :) I wish we would've had more time with the kids at CCHO, but they had a unique schedule that could not be tampered with. We only got to be with them for a little bit. We didn't go to Church on Easter Sunday, which was weird, but all together i have had a great weekend.
-I am waiting for my cousins to come from North Carolina and Delaware.
-I am working this week, which is awesome because i need money for CIY.
-Friday i am going on a trip to Purdue :)

And i feel like SB is almost over because i haven't really been home :( yuck

When I Look at You...

I don't understand how anyone in the world can not see God.
His beauty is revealed in the sun.
His beauty is revealed in the clouds.
His beauty is revealed in the ocean.
His beauty is revealed in flowers.
His beauty is revealed in the sound of a piano.
His beauty is revealed in the strength between lovers.
His beauty is revealed in babies.
His beauty is revealed in all human life.
His beauty is revealed in a sweet little kitten.
His beauty is revealed in a warm night under the stars.

His beauty is everywhere. The people who rely on their own knowledge and
who search for things that only put holes in their hearts don't see it.
They think Christians are stupid because they don't understand.
They are blinded in a world full of beauty by hate.
How sad.

The Friday Night Jive

*

What an amazing turn out! I had a lot of fun and I enjoyed dancing with every body. I wish NHS dances were this much fun.. I guess they have some competition :)
I think that people are turned onto grinding and all that nasty trash because they don't have to use much of their brains. Once you get basic swing down it's not hard. If only everyone would give it a chance..

I really wish I would have taken dance when I was little. I would love to take more dance lessons now. :)

Anyways, I know this is exactly a week late, but thanks to everyone who made FNJ possible. I hope next year we do something at least half as wonderful :)

I'm Awake! I'm Alive! Waking up, Waking up -*Skillet*

This week has been a different one. I've been forced to adjust to being busy every night (Monday-Thursday) with school and church stuff. Maybe forced was a bad word to use ("responsible to attend" is a little bit better of a choice) anyways... it's not that i don't want to be involved in these things.. i have a lot of fun (except in the SAT prep class). I'm just not used to it, i guess. I'm so familiar with having a lot of time to do whatever i want before homework is started or devotions are done. Gosh college will hit me hard.

This week has been tiring, distracting, random, and selfish.
Devotions became a routine. Facebook became a disturbance. Homework became a burden.
Blah, blah, blah.
This always happens to me when there are a lot of wonderful things to look forward to, and I get so excited about them that i forget about focusing on what's most important.

The future has stolen my thoughts wayyyy too much.
Annoying & stessful things like driving, SAT/ACT, college, grades, & money have worried me.
Wonderful & exciting things like the friday night jive, missions trip, purdue visit, prom, & summer vacation have kept me anxious.
Everything in my head is everywhere right now.

The awesome dude who wrote Crazy Love shook me awake a little bit by saying,
"WORRY implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives."
I should probably write that on a post-it note and keep it in my locker or something because i get too wrapped up in STUPID "what ifs" and freak out that i'm going to die young or something.

Then with the great things that have been happening an Ecclesiastes verse came back to me.
"Fools base their thoughts on foolish assumptions, so their conclusions will be wicked madness; they chatter on and on. No one really knows what is going to happen; no one can predict the future" Ecc 10:13-14

HELLO, Erika, you've been screwing up all week.

So, prayers would be appreciated. I am focusing on feeling joyous/thanksful for God's blessings and calm about God's guidance/decisions about my future. At the same time I'm also trying not to be obsessive over worldly possessions and to spend more God time.
And what a coincidence that My Future Decided by Hillsong came on my playlist as i was typing that. Haha, God is clever.

Now i must go back to reading Crazy Love. I saw the quote about worry and immediately posted a blog. The chapter is yet to be finished. Let's see if the end of the chapter sparks another blog post.

We Were Made To Be Captivating While Being Captivated By Our Creator

Just finished the book Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge.
FEMALES, if you have yet to read it.. hop to it!
it's amazing! <3 it has changed my perspective on Christ
and it's a great read! Now I'm reading Crazy Love and watching
a long 14 minute video with the fun-loving author talking
about happy stuff :)
In English I'm reading Huck Finn and it's a hilarious book.
The End

"Tell me about it, stud"

This blog is only being typed because i have a paper to write and i like procrastinating :)

I am so excited for the Friday Night Jive! I have always loved the 30s-50s, and i'm glad my youth pastor comes up with creative ideas.

My mom and i have been going shopping for my outfit this weekend. We got some material for my poodle skirt and my mom is working on it right now :)i have most of my accessories collected. The only thing I am still not sure about is hair/make up stuff. I don't really want to wear my hair in a pony tail, so i'm doing some more research with that. It doesn't seem common to find a girl from the 50s with long hair, sadly.

Also, yesterday i got excited and bought Grease. :) It's one of my favorite movies and i can't believe it's taken this long for me to get it. Wahhh.

Anyways, i hope everyone had a great weekend! Can't wait for the next one! hehe

Dreams

I love to sleep because it is not only great to do nothing, but i love dreaming. i love waking up remembering a strange dream. i love how odd it is that sometimes i don't know if what just crossed my mind was a dream from last night or something that was told to me in the past week. i love trying to figure out why some dreams contain happenings from the past day or week or contain random people whom i may or may not talk to. i love that God created us to create, hope, and imagine.

Dreaming is wonderful. It gives a person goals to meet, things to look forward to, and faith in God's work. Lately i learned that God instills dreams into people. I never looked at dreaming in that light.
I always thought that people come up with dreams and then God determines how the dice fall based on how the dream will fit into God's plan for that person's life. I mean, a lot of the time dreamers may hope for off the wall things and God will just say, "that's ridiculous, no", but i think that God whispers into His peoples' ears ideas (dreams) that He knows will change their lives.

What i mean by "dreams that He knows will change their lives" is this: If God's plan all along was to grant that person's wish (i guess you could say) then that person would be in awe over God's work which would draw that person closer to the Lord. If God decided no on the dream, maybe he caused that person to long for such a dream to not only test to see if that person chooses to be angry with God or accept God's decision, but to teach that person to deepen his or her faith in the Lord. Obviously, yes and no answers from God can strengthen one's relationship with Jesus either way, but when He says no it is a lot harder for some of us to do.

Now a challenging question comes to mind. Shouldn't i desire God to say no to some of my big dreams because of all the strength and growth gained from all the hardships thereafter? I know we grow close to God when He shows us His movement in our lives which can shown by a yes and no answer to a dream. I just sometimes feel that when God says no, we grow even closer to God if we can show Him that it is not about us, but Him, and we know that God has our future decided (best Hillsong United song ever). That is a tough question that i do not exactly know how to answer yet, and I am still trying to figure it out. (I guess I'll blog about it when i do)

Anyways, lately God has been teaching me about joy. Three weeks ago i had two weeks full of nastiness. I was always in a bad mood, not really understanding the cause of it all. I think it may have just been selfishness and stress building up. When i finally got that out of the way and back into my devotions in the right way, i felt better and back to normal. For about a week now I have felt like i am on top of the world. God has truly answered some of my biggest prayers and has been making my dreams come true in awesome ways. I am full of faith, delight, amazement, and i am growing. Faith causes delight.. when God works we are amazed... and then we grow. That is where my blog name came from. Even my hopes being met in the exact way i wanted them to did not give me the same amount of joy that Christ has given me. Material things, loved ones, Facebook, and TV shows can never measure up. I have always known that, but i am sure happy that i can feel my belief in that through this past week.